Shadow Work - Writing Prompts for Aquarians Pt. 2

When have I judged or held back my emotions? (Part 1)

I do it all the time. I do it to protect others, and I do it as self-preservation to protect myself as well. Growing up, the society I was raised in was built on very reserved people. They didn't raise their voices in anger or joy or sadness. You received the very palest hint of emotion in public, and you saved the real thing for the privacy of your own space with no one to witness it. The women especially were expected to be soft-spoken, obedient, level-headed, genteel. There was a constant simmer of unexpressed emotion underlying so many interactions, it left me tense. It was like walking on egg shells forever. I am very good at applying the mask, soft on the outside but hard as steel and thick on the inside. No one ever saw inside. I grew to hate it. I felt so much of me was inside, hidden, that there must be something wrong with me. Why did so much of me have to be locked away. The things that made me happy were weird. The things that infuriated me didn't seem to bother anyone else. The rage and the hurt simmered for years beneath the surface. I found ways of dealing and luckily there were a few people I could be a little more me around. As time went on, I removed myself from the spiritually and mentally claustrophobic places and the toxic people. 

Shadow Work - Writing Prompts for Aquarians Pt. 1

What limiting beliefs do I feel ready to detach from?

I am ready to let go of the limiting belief that I only have value within my family if I can produce children. I am more and have always been more than a breeder of more family members. Carrying on the family name and biological footprint is not my responsibility, destiny, or obligation. I can't have children. I am the only living child of my deceased parents. I am the last of their line. I am sorry that they didn't get to have grandchildren before they passed. They would have loved them beyond measure. But, the ability to provide that experience for them was beyond my control. I feel like for many years my mother held resentment toward me for not giving her those grandchildren. That wasn't my fault. I need to let go of the mindset that lets me blame myself for her unhappiness. Her feelings about it were hers and shouldn't be allowed to reflect on me. Considering the genetic legacy I've been handed from both parents, not being able to pass those along may not be a bad thing.