Pleasant Dreams and Small Visits

I dream vividly and often. I have all my life. Many of my dreams are filled with faces I know, friends and family and the lady who rings my purchases at the grocery store. Sometimes as themselves and sometimes as someone new. Since my parents passed in 2020, I have only dreamt of them a few times. When I have, my dreaming mind has constantly butted in to remind me that they're dead and the dream isn't real. 

This week, I have had two dreams about them both where I haven't had that instant reminder looming over the dream. For the first time in over three years, I have just been able to enjoy their company for a bit. I recognized in the back of mind that it was a dream. That wasn't different. I rarely have a dream that I am not aware the entire time that it's dream. But I was still able to enjoy the story it was telling me. It was nice to have a small visit after missing them so much. Mama's Birthday is tomorrow, and it's been a hard week.

A Dream is a Wish ...

Does anyone else have a keen mental understanding that you are in a dream during the dream itself? I do. If I am dreaming as myself (as in I am me in my dream), I cannot shut off the fact that I am 100% aware that I am dreaming no matter what the dream is. I have zero suspension of disbelief.

If I am dreaming that I am not myself, like for example dreaming I am a character from a favorite book, I am fully that character and everything that happens is real to me at the time. If I am myself, it is like I am a viewer following a version of myself doing whatever it is I am dreaming and at the same time am the me in the dream. It's hard to explain. There is always a part of me held back in this viewer role that reminds my dream self that this is all just a dream and that I'll wake up soon every so often.

It's been particularly strong since my parents have passed. I dream of them often, but I am always very aware during the dream that it is only a dream. A few nights ago I was dreaming that I had flown to Alabama and was visiting my parents. My dream self remembered having a good visit with my parents during the day and was thinking about the different things we had done together, the good conversations as my dream self was getting ready for bed. My dream self had the thought that I should tell them both goodnight before sleeping, but the viewer self popped in to remind that they had both passed and wouldn't be there. My viewer self warned that I'd only find an empty room and it was best not to look. Then I woke up.

Similar things have happened many times both before and after my parents passed. I have dreamed of crashing my car or being chased by someone or something else unpleasant, and the viewer steps in to remind me that it's only a dream and that I will wake up fine. Sometimes it will actually be a conversation like, "I don't want to do this!" ... "Well, wake up then! You're dreaming." Or when having a particularly good dream, my viewer self will comment something like, "Wow, this is a really nice dream. The mountains look so realistic."

I do not know if this is normal or not. I've never heard anyone describe anything like it.