Let Them See You

In today's world when we are so inundated with information and have access to communicate with one another on every platform imaginable, how well do we actually know each other? Sadly, not very.

Over the past couple of years, this has hit home for me so many times. I had 39 years to get to know each of my parents, and there are so many things I can't answer about them both. I know they loved their siblings and me beyond measure. They both worked incredibly hard to make ends meet for our household, and they were both generous to others even at a detriment to themselves.

My Daddy's favorite cake was red velvet, and he peanut butter was the only food he would refuse outright. He loved parched or boiled peanuts though, and they were a favorite snack. He was very food adventurous and would always try the new restaurants and new types of food with me.

Mama liked salted peanuts in Coca-Cola, but only one in the glass bottle. She thought all pork was bad for you because her doctor told her not to have ham or luncheon meat because of her high blood pressure. I could not convince her for the life of me that he meant salt cured pork and processed meats because of the sodium. Even a shake of black pepper was too spicy for her. She drank a lot of water and loved crushed ice from Sonic.

I don't know their favorite colors or favorite movies or favorite songs. I don't know where they went on their first date. I never heard a story about when they knew they loved each other or their wedding proposal or marriage. I know the wedding took place at the courthouse.

I wish Daddy had talked more about his mother. I know she worked hard to raise her five boys, and it wasn't easy. Daddy helped when he could, and I am sure the other older boys did too. The youngest boy was still in school when she passed away. I was a toddler and only have the briefest and fuzziest of memories of her. We visited her sisters often, and I like them a lot. I sew like her and embroider. Daddy gave me her sewing machine when I learned to sew.

I wish I had spent more time getting to know both of my parents as people outside of being my parents. I think that's what you are suppose to do as adults. We lived so far apart, and we were able to spend so little time together once I was out of school. And then they were both gone so quickly. We never had the chance to do so many things.

Their deaths has taught me never to take time or people for granted. Say what needs to be said, keep in touch, don't put things off until tomorrow. Tomorrow is never guaranteed.

We are our Mothers' Daughters

"The women who are counted as true Daughters of Appalachia were seldom gentle flowers as flowers only lasted a season. The women born in the shadow of the mountains stand and thrive through all four (seasons) without complaining. Wouldn’t do no good anyhow. The greatness of mountain families are built upon the bones of such women, rock-spine matriarchs and Mamaws who survived the bad times, the bad weather, and bad men like it was their job because frankly, it was." -- Old Gods of Appalachia, Build Mama a Coffin ep. 1

My mother and the friends' mothers who helped raise me were all strong women each in their own way. My grandmothers and great grandmothers too. Some were strong by nature, and some were strong because life made or required them to be that. They farmed and cooked and cleaned and sewed and worked until their backs ached and their fingers cracked. They were quick to laugh and hug, and there was always a cookie or slice of cake just for you. Recipes were shared with the memories of how they learned them. There were songs in the kitchen while you helped roll and cut out the biscuits or mix the cornbread. Sewing was taught. Gardening was a full family activity. Snapping beans til your fingers were sore and green and husking corn and canning everything that grew so that we could all eat well over the winter. I have learned so much from the women in my family, and I am still learning. My Mama's gone now, but I can and do still call my remaining grandmother regularly. I call just to talk mostly, but sometimes it's to ask for a special recipe or how to grow a certain vegetable or why my beans didn't taste like hers. I cherish all the time I have with her and will never not have questions to ask her or memories to share.

I learned from them to love fiercely, to be generous of spirit, and to be a stubborn, tenacious thorn in someone's side when I believe what I am fighting for is right. They were protective until I could protect myself, and they taught me what I needed to know to be able to confidently go out on my own and succeed.

None of them were or are perfect women. They come from very different worlds from each other and different worlds than the one we find ourselves in today. Sometimes our views do not always mesh well with one another. But I never doubt they loved me and that I could call on them if I was in need.

Witchy Wednesday - February 2023 - Moon in Leo

This month, the Moon is in Leo.

A fire sign, the moon in Leo is a time to focus on yourself and your creativity. .It's a magical time to get in touch with your own intuition and listen for what your heart truly desires. Do, say, and be who you are without fear. Let yourself shine and take time to live, laugh, and love as passionately as you can. This moon sign can be an excellent time for dating. However, you may also prefer to spend it all on yourself.

I have been trying very hard lately to listen to and care for myself more. Important people in my life taught me to always put myself last emotionally, mentally, physically. I was taught to care for everyone else's needs first, and if there is a scrap of energy left over that doesn't impede on anyone else's needs, then I could take care of myself. This way of thinking killed more than one person I have loved. My mother and multiple of the second mother figures in my life. We are the caregivers and the nurturers and the 'get shit done,' but we have to also take care of ourselves so that we are able to take care of others as we would like. We have to take care of ourselves medically when there's a problem. We have to care for ourselves mentally whether that be seeing a mental health provider or just setting aside some time to rest our minds and nourish ourselves mentally when we need that. We need to be able to express ourselves emotionally and creatively without censor. If we can't do these things, we run the risk of hurting ourselves irreparably. I am working harder at remembering the importance of this both for the well-being of myself and the well-being of those around me who I love dearly.