With Fear for our Democracy, I Dissent - 2024 Election

I will preface this with, I’m not asking for a Trump supporter to try and convince me why they support him. I just need to say what I have been feeling. You can read or not read, agree or disagree.

We only have a week until the presidential election. A week to worry. A week to stress. A week to protect fragile hope. The 2016 results were shocking. I will always remember crying in our living room. I didn’t understand then and eight years later I still do not understand now how people could vote for a person who knowingly and happily denigrates women, disrespects military service people, mocks disabled citizens, and wants to actively rip away rights and protections for minorities and LGBTQIA+ Americans. It isn’t someone saying he did those things. We all heard his words and saw his actions. I know decent people who voted for that, and I still do not understand why.

In 2020, when he and his party lost, I dared to hope that it would be a turning point for the good. I thought perhaps those followers would wake up to the deceptions. And some did. But so many more haven’t even blinked. And now we are up for another election, and he is still using his followers and celebrity and sheer incomprehensibility to try and avoid punishment for the criminal activity he has been both charged with and convicted. When have we ever had a presidential candidate who has had dozens of convictions on their record and who has been investigated for treason against our country? If there was a hint of any one of these charges with a past candidate, nothing would have saved them in the eye of the public. The Republican party would have been the first to judge. Where is that judgement now?

All to say, I am scared about this election. I was horrified in 2016, but I had hope that good people were just misled. I thought if we all survived those four years, we (those people included) would come together to fix the mess we were in. In 2020, I was disillusioned at seeing the number of people still casting their votes for him with full knowledge of what he had done the previous four years. But, when he wasn’t elected, I was cautiously hopeful that there were more people who would stand against that sort of malignancy infecting our country. And now we are four years forward, still recovering, still fighting, still holding on to that tiny hope as we once again see our friends and family and neighbors continue to support a monster. I am more frightened this year than I was the prior two election years. We all know his wants and desires for this country. We know what he’s capable of, and we know that his party will not stand against him when it counts.

I’ve heard dozens of excuses for voting for him. That’s what they are … excuses. I’ll be honest, if someone tells me they are voting for that monster, I don’t care why anymore. It’s way past time for individual grievances and justifications. None of them come close to balancing the scale of what we know about what he believes, supports, and has actively allowed or participated in. There is no comparison.

I take my first statement back. If you, after everything, are still a Trump supporter, I would rather you just quietly unfriend/unfollow me on every outlet, lose my e-mail or phone number. No leaving announcement needed. If you support him as a candidate to lead our country and make decisions about our future, then I have to think you also harbor hate and disrespect in your hearts for women and girls, the LGBTQIA+ community, disabled individuals, military men and women, people of color, immigrants, and anyone else who does not fit into your tiny world view of perfection.

And before someone says I shouldn’t let politics come between me and the people I love. It’s not. This isn’t politics. This isn’t a discussion about tax rates or military spending or how state budgets are used or which party anyone belongs to. It’s about the most basic rights and common decency. It’s about being human and wanting equality in all areas of life for everyone whether we agree/approve of them or not. Will I ever understand your choice to continue to support Trump or anyone like him? No. Do I believe in the deepest part of my heart that you deserve the right to medical care when you are sick, the right to love and marry whichever adult you want, the right to be paid for your worth as an employee, to be treated equally regardless of your race or gender or sexual orientation, to have control over your own body and freedom? Yes. Without question. I do not have to agree with you, like you, or even know you to believe you deserve those things. My greatest wish is for you to want the same.

Just to Say Hello I Guess

I've always been interested in the possibility of paranormal activity: ghostly visitations, residual hauntings, life after death, etc.  My gut tells me that the majority of "hauntings" people experience are residual in nature. I know places carry echoes of both good and bad things that have happened there. I can feel those sometimes. So, it makes sense to me that places would also carry echoes of the people who once resided there. I don't think these echoes are sentient in any way though. They are spiritual recordings of what has already happened. Are there also intelligent hauntings ... maybe. probably ... but I don't think those happen nearly as often as the ghost shows want you to believe. 

I say this all to qualify that I'm not one of those ghost fanatics who yell, "What's That?!" at every sound in the darkness. And having said that. I think I saw my grandfather, who passed in 2007, a few nights ago. He was leaning up against the door frame of my guest room. He was wearing one of the coveralls he liked that resembled air force jumpsuits. I made eye contact, he gave a little nod, and then he was gone. It was like he just wanted to recognize that he saw me and that he was there before going. 

We hadn't moved into the house we live in now when he passed, so no chance of a residual haunting there. It's been almost 17 years since he passed. It seems like an odd time to peek in for a quick nod. But who knows. Just an odd little thing that happened that I will be turning around in my head for a while. A bit of unexpected food for thought.

What will the New Year bring? Hopefully a better me ...

With Samhain just passed, we begin a new year and another turn of the wheel. I have been thinking about what I want for this year.

This year, I want to be the River. I want to flow over and under and around the obstacles that crop up in my path, moving ever onward toward my goals. I want to rush wildly with excitement, burble over with laughter often, move steadily forward on the day to day, and rest still and calm when I need to. I will be the River.

I want to pause to take better care of myself. I have never been great at self care. I have a tendency to take care of everything else before turning my focus on me. It's been especially bad since my parents passed away. Everything got shoved to the back for a year to deal with the legal, financial, and logistical details surrounding their deaths and managing the estate. That took all of my focus. I didn't even feel like I could let myself grieve until it was all taken care of because I was afraid I would fall apart. The next year was full of a mix of delayed grief and guilt over questions of if I had done everything right the prior year. Did I honor them and respect their memory enough? Was I respectful of what was left behind? I still don't know. The grief and sense of being adrift overwhelm me sometimes. No living parents, no living siblings, disconnected physically and emotionally from the extended family I do have left. They never call or write. I never hear from them without being the one to reach out. Without my parents as the binding fiber, I have lost the sense of connection I have always had with my family. Intellectually, I realize there is nothing I can do about any of that. Emotionally, it feels like the universe telling me that the feelings of isolation and not "fiting in" that I experienced growing up have all been proven correct. Regardless of why or why not, maybe it is just time to move on and find a new definition of myself without them or at least separate from them. I can't continue to define my worth by home much they outwardly show they care.

Over the past few years, my physical health has started to take hits too. I know part of it is from the stress of everything above. 

• My anxiety has been extremely high. My blood pressure has been higher than it should be, and I know the two are related to a certain extent. I've recently sought evaluation and medication for that. 
• Sleep has always been a struggle for me, but my quality and quantity of sleep has deteriorated even more in the past few years. I am exhausted but not sleepy. When my brain should be winding down for the day in prep for sleep, it's just getting a second wind to go, go, go throughout the night. It's getting harder to pull myself out of bed in the morning because I haven't been able to get to sleep the prior night. I am Vitamin D deficient, and I am taking meds for that. I am anemic, and I am taking meds for that. My thyroid glands are underactive, and I am taking meds for that. Every medical condition I have causes fatigue, and yet, I can't fall asleep at a decent hour.  It's kind of ridiculous. I have had two at-home sleep studies so far because my insurance will not cover an in-lab one to try and figure out any underlying medical causes. I should have results for the last test later this week. Hopefully it will show something conclusive or at least help cross some potential causes off the list.
• I need to take better care of my teeth. I have been avoiding the dentist like the plague for the last few years. Part of it was the Covid pandemic. Part of it was the fact that my father died because of anesthetic toxicity due to a miscalculation at the dentist office. I realize that I do not see the same dentist and that I have never heard of anything similar happening to anyone else. My anxiety doesn't care about that though. All my anxiety knows is that my dad was completely fine, he he sat down in the dentist chair to have some work done, and he was brain dead less than an hour later. It's not rational. I get that. But it's what I think of every time I go to schedule a cleaning. I have scheduled one for next month though. Hopefully I won't freak out.
• I want to do a better job of being more physically active after the holidays. I would love to lose some excess weight. I want to improve my mobility, decrease stress on my body, and hopefully just generally feel better and feel better about myself overall. 

Financially, I want to really focus on lowering and eliminating debt this year. We had to use a chunk of savings this year to do house and car repairs and replace a piece of furniture that we hadn't anticipated replacing for a while into the future. It makes me nervous to have so little in savings.  And of course with student loans reactivating, unlike all of the promises claimed, my monthly payments went up instead of down. It sucks, but nothing I can do about that. One loan will pay off in about three months, which will free up a bit of money that I can add onto the monthly payment for a credit card. I want to focus on paying extra toward those with the highest interest to lower my overall debt to income ratio. 

What will I find this time next year? Hopefully a happier, healthier, more financially secure me. That's what I am hoping for anyway. It won't be easy, but then nothing worth it ever seems to be.

An Invocation Ritual for Happiness

 

1) Pick a candle of a color that brings to mind thoughts of happiness, hope, joy, etc. A small chime candle or taper candle works best, but really any candle not in a container works. For me, I will choose a bright yellow chime candle.

2) Use a nail or other sharp tool to carve the name of the thing you wish to call to you. I will write 'Happiness' on my candle.

3) Place the candle in a holder and put it at the center of a plate or other fire/wax safe surface. Surround the candle with other objects that call forth the same element you are inviting in. For Happiness, I have chosen white daisies, yellow mums, and orange marigolds interspersed with mint leaves and basil.

4) Hold a key shaped charm or an actual key in your hand and move it in a circle clockwise around the candle nine time while saying out loud that you open your heart, mind, and home to the element you are inviting (Happiness in my case).

5) Repeat the invocation each day for five days. If using fresh herbs, flowers, ect. replace those when they begin to wilt.

Pleasant Dreams and Small Visits

I dream vividly and often. I have all my life. Many of my dreams are filled with faces I know, friends and family and the lady who rings my purchases at the grocery store. Sometimes as themselves and sometimes as someone new. Since my parents passed in 2020, I have only dreamt of them a few times. When I have, my dreaming mind has constantly butted in to remind me that they're dead and the dream isn't real. 

This week, I have had two dreams about them both where I haven't had that instant reminder looming over the dream. For the first time in over three years, I have just been able to enjoy their company for a bit. I recognized in the back of mind that it was a dream. That wasn't different. I rarely have a dream that I am not aware the entire time that it's dream. But I was still able to enjoy the story it was telling me. It was nice to have a small visit after missing them so much. Mama's Birthday is tomorrow, and it's been a hard week.

Applachian Magicks, Jar Spells, Charms, and Wards - Part 1

Illustration by Sophy Hollington

Creating and Placing a Charm, Ward, or Spell Jar for the Best Results

If you want a connection to begin or grow stronger, throw or bury it to the east.

If you want a connection to end or grow weaker, throw or buy it to the west.

Include water in your working if it involves cycles or continuous movement.

If you want to control something/someone’s influence, include patterns of five in your working.

If you want the help of spirits in the working, place or bury it in a graveyard or cemetery or include grave dirt from the one you are seeking help from.

To keep something/someone close to you, bury your item in your back yard.

To attract someone/something, bury your item under to beside your front doorstep.

If you want something/someone to disappear from memory and not enter your mind, weight your item and drop it in dark or deep water.

To destroy the influence of something/someone, burn your item and scatter it to the winds as far away from your home and daily haunts as possible.

 

Ingredients and Potential Representations

Feathers = Air, Lightness, Freedom, Swiftness.

Dirt = Earth, Stability, Steadiness.

Water = Water, Movement, Adaptability, Repetition, Cleanliness, Life.

Milk or Cream = Abundance, Growth, Nurturing, Motherhood, Femineity.

Vinegar = Hate, Resentment.

Sugar or Honey = Sweetness, Love, Positive influence, Persuasion.

Salt or Epsom Salt= Purification, Protection.

Cinnamon = Abundance, Wealth, Love, Passion.

Ground Pepper = Love, Passion, Anger, Irritation.

Fire used to Destroy = Purification or Anger.

Fire used to Light (typically via lit candle) = Revelation, Passion, Protection.

Wealth = Bay leaves, Fresh Basil, Seed pods form Money Plants, Corn silk.

Iron = Protection.

A Tarnishable Metal (copper or nickel for example) = Corruption.

Witchy Wednesday: A Jar Ritual for Recognizing and Sending Love and Blessings into the World

 

A Jar Ritual for Recognizing and Sending Love and Blessings 

Materials 

A red or pink candle 

A jar or other glass container with lid (preferably with a wide mouth to make it easy to place items within)

Small pieces of paper (one per name)

Scraps of ribbon/string/twine (optional)

A pen (pink or red preferably)

Pink Salt (enough to create a thin layer on the bottom of your container)*

Ground Cinnamon and/or Ground Cayenne (enough to create a thin layer on the bottom of your container)

Dried rose petals** 

*Please remember salt can harm growing plants. When disposing of jar contents, if you'd like to make it plant safe, use Epsom salt instead of regular salt.

**If roses aren't your thing or you do not have any, substitute any dried flower that represent love in your mind.

Instructions 

1. Follow your normal procedure for prepping a magical space to perform your ritual.

2. Light your candle(s) and think about the people who bring love and happiness into your life. Why do they come to mind when you meditate on love? How do they enliven your life? What emotions and thoughts come to you as you think of them. Think about the blessings and love you'd like to see returned to them this week. Maybe it's a new job for a friend or a few hours of sleep for a new parent or much needed calm and peace for a loved one having a particular trying time right now. Maybe it's renewed love of life or passion in the bedroom. Love comes in many forms. Don't feel constricted to a single definition. you are wanting to send love and blessings to and why.

3. Write the name of each person you thought about on the pieces of paper you prepared. Roll them into tiny scrolls and tie them with a scrap of ribbon/string/twine. (Optionally you can just roll or fold the pieces of paper as-is. If you want to get really fancy with it, you can fold them into origami hearts. Sometimes the folding is part of the meditative act. Do whatever feels right to you.)

4. Add a layer of salt to the bottom of your contain. Draw a heart shape with the cinnamon and/or
cayenne on top of the layer of salt. If  you aren't feeling artistic or the opening of the jar is too small to draw a design, you can just layer the spices on the top of the salt. Add your pieces of paper interspersing your flower petals in-between and around the paper. 5. Hold the jar in your hand and picture in your mind again the love you'd like to see going to your named loves ones. See the light of your love flowing from you to them. See it surrounding their bodies in a soft, unbroken glow. See the love you send lifting their spirits and raising their joy.                                        6. Keep the jar somewhere safe where you will see it daily and be reminded of the love that you are sending out to each person. Touch it and renew the request in your mind each day.

7. At the end of the week, you can renew the spell for another week by meditating on it again and choosing the blessings you'd like to send, or if you feel it has done its job, you can burn the contents in a fire safe vessel (or compost if using plant safe materials).                              8. If not renewing, cleanse the jar so that it can be used again in future rituals/spells.

Inspired by a ritual found within Em, Mandi. Happy Witch: Activities, Spells, and Rituals to Calm the Chaos and Find Your Joy (pp. 180-182). Adams Media. Kindle Edition.