Life Lessons and Retrospection

Seeing the life issues some of my friends and family are having to go through right now has made me rather introspective about my own past, good and bad. I've made big mistakes. I've been hurt horribly, and I know at times I've hurt others just as horribly both intentionally and on accident. I've taken some big risks, some of which paid off big for me and some not. I've made some great friends who have stuck around through thick and thin, and I've watched as people I thought were friends drifted out of my life without a backward glance.

Looking back on all those moments, I realize so much could have been avoided or at least the pain could have been lessened if I’d just learned to love and trust myself much earlier than I did. I was always looking for something that would make me better, make me into someone who people liked/loved, make me prettier, make me more successful, make me smarter. I was always looking for that something or someone on the outside, when I should have been looking within.

I had everything in me that I needed, but I’d been told so many times to the contrary that I never saw it. You’re ugly … you’re fat … you’re stupid … you’re never going to make anything of yourself. I let those voices become so loud and so insidious that I had no doubt they were telling the truth. They weren't even close to the truth. The people who said those things, they didn't even know me. Most of the people I didn't even like or want to know myself. On good days, I could tell myself that if they really knew me, they wouldn't say such hurtful words. The people who said those things to me who were close to me in my mind validated all the others though.

I’ve learned to be who makes me happy and not worry about anyone else. I don’t want to be a person anyone/everyone will love. I want to be who I’m meant to be. There are people in this world who I have been lucky enough to meet (and some I haven’t met yet I’m sure) who do or will love me just the way I am, because of who I am. If I had just learned that sooner, what unhappiness I could have spared myself and others. But then some of those hard times and trials have helped make me who I am, and right now I wouldn't want to be anyone else for all the world.

If I could share one thing with the people I love, it’s to love yourself, blemishes and flaws included, to learn from your mistakes and strive always to be someone you would be proud to know. Laugh, love, close your eyes and take that leap of faith from time to time. Maybe that’s all any of us can ask for in life … to be comfortable enough in our own skin to love ourselves and strong enough to trust we won’t be hurt when letting others in.

Sexy Poetry

The Colour of Love

Cold blade

Warm blood

Slice

Pain

Blood flows like water

Do you feel weak

It's almost like good sex

I feel released

Cut again

Cut deep

Cut harder

Please, God, let me stop screaming

Once, twice, more

Then I can sleep



Cacaphony

Clank, jingle …
Hisssss …
Slide.
POP,
Chuckle.
SLAP, moan.
Sigh.
SLAP … SMACK!
Yelp, whimper.
Arch, purr.
Grunt, WHAP.
Drag … shudder.
Caress, pinch.
SLAM, SLAP, SMACK!!
Moan …
Sob …
Beg.
WHAP, SLAP, Pat, Flick.
Scream ...
Caress, CUM!
Slither, jingle
Jangle, slide.
Smile.
Mine



Desire

Desire.
It speaks volumes without words.
It's in the curve of a hip,
the fullness of a breast,
the sweet softness of her lips.
It's in the indention of her navel,
the arch of her foot,
the feel of her black hair,
and the look in her eyes as she looks at me.
There's sensuality in every move she makes.
Even the way she breathes...
is sexy.
She is Sex.
Slow and steamy.
Fast and fierce.
Sweat-slicked skin
and silken folds.
Breathless sighs and honeyed words,
sleepless nights and dreamy eyes.
Desire.



Desire II

Score
Cut
Flow
Rip
Smear
Tear
Drip
Bleed

Feel

Laugh
Moan
Plead
Whimper
Sigh
Beg
Whisper
Scream

Hear

Arch
Flex
Thrust
Knead
Scratch
Grasp
Pull
Push

Take



Until I Bleed

Sometimes I want to scream my need.
My skin aches to be bruised,
trembles to be bitten,
burns to be used.

It's an uncontrolled fire,
raging to consume me,
that only pain can dampen.
It never goes out.
I'm always at the mercy of its flames.

Rage, claw, bite.
Don't hold anything back with me.
Mark me, beat me, fuck me ...
Don't stop until I bleed.

Sanguine Obsession

Let's talk ... Blood Fetishes. Who has one? I'm sure it is not just me. What is it about blood and blood letting that is so fascinating?

I first fell in love with the look of it and the symbolism behind it. I grew up watching vampire movies of all varieties. I loved the dance they portrayed. Some seduced and some simply took what they wanted. Some wanted love, and some simply craved the blood. I loved the sight of fangs penetrating flesh, blood dripping down the side of a neck or wrist, flowing out the corners of a vampire's mouth. I loved the sounds that they made while feeding and being fed on. I loved the inherent sexuality and power, the ferocity and the gentle sensuality. Watching vampire movies was my first love affair with the power exchange.

There is the power of the blood itself. Red, hot, gushing or sliding in small rivulets. Life and Death. Vitality in liquid form. Blood is life. Life is blood. Blood holds all the power, so if you can take or release the blood, you hold the power. That is fucking sexing.

And then there is the physicality of the blood. I love to see blood well on the surface of the skin. I love the smell of it and the taste of it. I love the feel of it as I dip my fingers in the pool and and swirl them outward in round graceful loops or sharp, heavy lines. I love the colors of fresh blood. I love the color of it once it has dried.

There's a primal urge to release the blood or to give it to one who deserves it. It's a gift. If they are strong enough to demand it and take it for themselves all the better. Sex and blood, fear and lust, power and submission ... it all blends together. Not a lot of people I know share my fascination, but there have been a few. Get the right people together, and the experience can be spectacular.