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| Mother's Day Surprise by Soosh |
Mother's Day is hard on so many levels for me. Maybe it always will be. Maybe time will ease it eventually. I don't know. I just know right now, it's torture.
My mother and I did not have the easiest relationship. I don't know when it started to go left. Maybe it was always that way. I can't recall a time when there wasn't some sort of strain. It always felt like I fell short of what she wanted as a daughter. I know she loved me, but I never didn't feel like I was a disappointment to her. She never once told me she was proud of me. Now there is no time for that to happen.
Now that she has passed, people expect that all of recollections should be rosy with nostalgia. I wish that was the case. There's anger and resentment and disappointment, and a hell of a lot of hurt. There's longing and love and regret too. My family would be angry if I expressed anything other than pure love though, so I am silent. I gloss over the truth for them or outright lie to make them feel better like I always did. To protect their feelings. To protect their memories.
It's not an easy day.
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